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  • honestbluejay22

Life is short so The Journey starts NOW!

When I was younger it was easy to imagine what my life was going to look like. When I close my eyes I can still see that little girl, and sometimes I wish I could go back. Back to a simpler time when I had all the answers I needed, and no one had yet informed me of the hardships.

But most of the time I am glad that I have left that little girl behind because, in many ways, I am a better me today.

If I have learned anything in my short 23 years of life, its that life is an uphill battle most of the time. Life is hard.

I have made many mistakes in my life, that is to be expected. But recently I have had time to think, really think, for the first time in forever. 2020 was a year that hit hard, and for the first time I was able, well more like forced, to slow down.

I graduated college in May of 2019 and I took a year internship as I tried to figure out the next step. It was almost simple how life was going to go. While I had come to terms with somethings, I was going to be able to ignore them and move on. I was content in many ways.

And then March of 2020 hit like a truck with one disaster after another. I tried to keep things in, oh did I try. But as March become April, and April gave way to May my life was once again in pieces.

Now this was not the first time I have had to pick myself up from the ground, shattered. But this time if felt different. Probably because for the first time I had nothing else to fall on. Sure my parents welcomed me back home when my internship ended and I needed a place to live. Sure my friends have offered to help me in my job search that has, to this day, gone nowhere. But, for the first time, I didn't have anything that tide my decisions down. For the first time I was going to have to make a choice as to what direction I was going to take and I was terrified.

It has been 3 months since I had the thought that for the first time I need to get my shit together. Yet, for 3 months I have dragged my feet, I have made excuse after excuse. And so, I have recognized a patterned.

My 23rd birthday was in August, and I looked in the mirror, and I am not sure I liked what I saw. I want to grow, I want to be better.

The past 5 years I have spent saying "I am not here for a long time but a good time", which as a college student was fine. It was almost expected after having such a sheltered life. However, now I say something different. It's not that the sentiment changed, rather that I have been able to more clearly state my feelings.

So I am not here for a long time, I am here to live a life with many adventures and few regrets.

That is the statement I what to live by now. To do that I have to push myself, and grow.

I need to go on a journey to discover a better me.

To my fellow travelers on this road called life,

Life is short so the Journey starts now!

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